The scene that especially gets me? The doctors want to put little Michael into a sensory deprivation tank, and just as they’re about to, Kyle comes bursting into the room, shouting that they have to stop. It’s cool that she never really believed her first boyfriend was a psycho who killed his mother and all, but randomly calling in said boyfriend to help cure her tormented little brother without even doing some basic research on the guy? The dude’s been in a mental institution for years! This is the kind of stuff you should know before you’re all, “Can you come back home and fix my baby brother and also, take me hard, take me now, I never stopped loving you!” Caitlin’s decision making skills are sort of bizarre. There are a million ways this guy could be played-focus on his terror, his angst, his possible psychosis-but Kley’s really just sort of there, and that makes him one of the more boring protagonists I’ve ever had to watch in a scary movie.Īlso: it doesn’t help that these Kley and Caulfield have absolutely zero chemistry.Ħ. Out of everybody, he clearly has the most character to work with, but he doesn’t do anything with it. And Chaney Kley, he really comes off as a poor man’s Ryan Reynolds in Darkness Falls. She has a couple of nice little moments-I particularly like when she kind of freaks out and laughs about the black cat-but for the most part, she has absolutely nothing to do. We'll be talking about him, too.Īpparently growing up into adulthood leeches these characters of having, you know, character. Instead, we get the adult versions, Chaney Kley and Emma Caulfield.Īlso pictured: Caitlin's little brother, Michael. If Darkness Falls had featured these two, the movie would have been much better off.ĥ. Young Caitlin is played by Emily Browning, who’s probably best known for playing Baby Doll in Sucker Punch. Young Kyle is played by Joshua Anderson, who guest-starred in Farscape as Crichton’s nephew, Bobby. We spend about three minutes with Young Kyle and Young Caitlin before spending the rest of the film with Adult Kyle and Adult Caitlin. Who’s in charge of these decisions, anyway?Ĥ. In a mostly unrelated note, I feel the need to point out that, according to our rating system, Double Dragon is a bigger threat to our children’s minds than Poltergeist. They feel like they’ve been stripped of their dignity, somehow. There are some good PG-13 horror movies-hell, Poltergeist is only PG, for Christ’s sake-but so many PG-13 horror films suck something awful. I expect the lack of hardcore gore stems from the fact that Darkness Falls is a PG-13 movie. Where are the horrifying scenes about extracting teeth? Even Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, pitiful as it was, managed to get in at least one creepy teeth scene.ģ. For Christ’s sake, this is a horror movie about the tooth fairy. For example, in Pitch Black.Įven basic opportunities are missed here. It’s been done before, and frankly, it’s been done better. Darkness is a primal fear, sure, but having to stay in the light is hardly an original concept. I mean, it’s not a sheer and total disaster-it’s no My Soul to Take, is what I’m getting at here-but it has very little in the way of gore, scares, or compelling characters. See if YOU get any of Mary’s famed mutton stew tonight!Ģ. what do you mean, that’s morbid and creepy? Fuck you, John, that’s what I think. Lately, I’ve been leaning towards Darkness Falls. Why in the hell does anyone live in a town called Darkness Falls? For that matter, who the hell decided to name the town Darkness Falls in the first place? You know, John, this new little village of mine is really quite a pleasant place to live, but I haven’t quite figured out what to name it yet. And then the Tooth Fairy tries to kill them all. She needs him to help her little brother, Michael, who’s intensely frightened of the dark just like Kyle was-well, is, really. Years later, his childhood sweetheart, Caitlin, calls Adult Kyle Walsh and asks him to come back home. The cops think Young Kyle Walsh did it, of course, and they send him away. When Young Kyle Walsh gets a good look at her messed up face, the Tooth Fairy first tries to kill him, and then succeeds in killing his mother. She’s actually a disfigured, vengeful ghost who kills anyone that sees her. She’s not even Dwayne Johnson in a pink tutu. She’s not a nice woman who wants to give you money. In Darkness Falls, the legend of the toothy fairy is not a comforting one. Clearly, we’re talking evil tooth fairy tonight. But when mockery is a key point of your evening, do you pick the movie about zombies, the movie about fundamentalist groups, or the movie about the evil tooth fairy? Amusingly, the two runners up- Red State and The Crazies-easily had the most actual splatter of the four films. For Splatterfest, Mek and I chose four movie options that we could watch-and-mock with our friends.
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